The Mark Schlereth Football Dictionary

Mark Schlereth is the former Denver Bronco offensive lineman who is now the incredibly serious analyst for ESPN. Here is his football dictionary:

Athlete: A man or manish woman who has decided to step-up and compete to win.

Disaster: Things that put football in perspective.

Football: A sacred game, nay, a way of life, something that is to be treated with respect and dignity

Head Coach: The person who runs the team and who ensures that the will of the team will not tire, will not falter, will not fail.

Injury: A word weak people use to describe inconsequential ailments; pathetic excuse for poor performance

Leader: Someone who has dedicated their life to football as a monk has dedicated his to God.

Life: A trivial distraction from football

Lineman: The heart and soul of a team, the men who do the dirty work and who duck the spotlight, true heroes

Loser: Someone whose personality defects and weak character lead to on-the-field failure

“Poor Player”: Someone who isn’t trying hard enough, someone who doesn’t have the proper respect for football; enemy of Mark Schlereth.

Quarterback: A leader who must rally the troops and drive them to victory through willpower and occasional vertical passing; John Elway

Replacement Player: Someone who needs to STEP-UP

Respect: What everyone is looking for, a sacred principle of the utmost importance

Rookie: A player who does not yet understand how to play football or how to win.

Running Back: A player who’s will to gain positive yardage can will a football team to victory

Veteran: The true backbone of the team, a player who knows how to win, often includes backup players and “team leaders”

Winner: Someone who understands footballs and respects the game and the principles involved, a team player, a veteran, Mark Schlereth